Pain Like Flower Petals

2009 September 17th

Pain filled the body and mind like a beverage gushing and washing over the rim of the glass of me last Friday as I knelt before Bootstrap who'd run into the street and been hit. There were several people involved in this event, all with different roles, different minds and histories, stories and perceptions. And though we can hold hands in the fact that we were present for the same event, each person has his own complete tapestry which this event wove into.

No event involves punishment or a "hard lesson" from God. It feels that way sometimes as we feel we deserve punishment. God is gracious and giving. The voice and opportunity are there like air, always, and are always loving.

A missed opportunity exists every time we don't seize growth and understanding in situations like this, and I mean this in a positive way... not in a "hard lesson" way. God's grace will present itself again if we miss this opportunity. It is grace, though it may hurt.

I predicted last weekend that in retrospect the event would become clear and that certainly this was God's chess game, and that as many people were involved, it was certainly a powerful move. Today, I see clearly my part; I see clearly my responsibility. It was a spiritual awareness disregarded due to atrophy. I was presented with choices I could not recognize until it was too late.

Choices made in innocence, blindness, and deafness are okay. Where the shame lies is if we become aware yet do not awaken but go back to sleep. And still, it falls into the area of "too bad", not some sentence to hell. How can we truly accept God's grace and love if we paint it black?

I am sorry. It is unfortunate that it took a significant emotional event involving others to awaken me from slumber. Will I return to sleep? I don't know. It's the same question as asking one who has quit smoking if they will smoke again.

I am grateful. I am grateful for the ability to see miraculous events even in seemingly dark places. I am grateful for this gift of this event.

Weaving My TimeSpace From Particles

2009 May 8th

I've always said that art has One Source. All else is not art. This then, is the remedy for the dilemma of "What to do with all of those particles floating about in the area of potential?" It's time to refer to the Guidebook of Inner Knowing, while turning down the volume on the daily meaningless chatter. What ingredients shall we stir into our soup bowl of life? How will it taste?

Weaving my TimeSpace

2009 May 8th

In one moment, I sensed that all of one's past events are like holographic woven sheet, whereas all potential events are like individual particles floating about in a sea of possibility.

Those stories of events which have already occurred are certainly holographic, changing in hue and appearance depending upon one's observation. Keeping that in mind, even while weaving my TimeSpace throughout my life, I must remain cognizant of the stories and plays which arise from my environment's infinite perceptions.

It seems the more I play on the field of shallow perceptions, the more I draw notice and perception on that level. And it is apparently difficult to forget previous travels upon lower planes of perception, for the mind seems entertained by the return to that thought field.

In this moment I choose to tell my story in a powerful way. In other moments, the story is of common struggle and lack.

What's Playing at the Theater?

I walked into a business meeting yesterday, like a movie theater. I thought I recognized what was playing, but just as the movie was coming to a conclusion, like The Twilight Zone, it switched to a completely different scene.

I was able to suddenly see into someone's mind, someone's alter-world. It was dark and frightening. The rules were powerful and different there. And like a bad dream, I was held there for some long moments, incapable of speaking, horrified. And after, just like a dream, I had difficulty accurately retelling the details, the words.

We often drive through life, gazing out the window at McDonald's and Wal-Mart, at high school stadiums and county roads, oblivious to the basements and cellars of people's minds.

Laws, regulations, and social norms often keep things in check, reminding us what's okay, what's not. But always, while we're sitting at the table with our apple pie, there are entire universes intersecting with our space-time. And sometimes there is a nightmare in our daylight. And there are people who will impose their nightmares upon others, and hold them there without release.

I pray for the end of nightmares.

Where Am I and Am I There?

2009 March 17th

My friend said, "I'm going on vacation to Florida." I thought, "That sounds nice." But of course, I am already there.

I have lived in vacation land most of my life. Those of us who do, forget where we are. Other people spend thousands of dollars to get where we are.

It is not just our present pin on the map that we forget about (and all that goes with that), it's also our present pin in life that we all too often may not notice, find gratitude for, or even worse we bitterly complain about it. But if we look back in our lives, we may find that exactly where we are, is exactly what we've given ourselves, and is exactly what we've so desired.

Sometimes our dream comes to us, but we fail to come to our dream.

Angel Looking Down on Me

2009 March 9th

It was warm and humid last night, windows open, roof dripping, dripping. My mind was actively convincing me that I was awake, but I'd catch it lying and know I was sleeping. Trick after trick flowed through my mind, telling me I was here, there. I've often wondered if our astral body actually plays in alternate realities.

Then the jolt came. "Nice T Shirt", a man's voice came from above me. I thought it was God...I grabbed for the covers... thought I had them, I could feel the sheets... then I was thinking, "maybe it's an angel!". Of course, I then realized I was still uncovered, more tricks, I hadn't grabbed for the covers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astral_body

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astral_projection

Directing

2009 February 28th

In a Shakespeare class I was in, we watched a few different versions of Hamlet. Although all of the words were the same, each version told a different story. For our final exam, the professor had us each write a summary of yet another take on the same story. I found I could still tell it another way.

In the story of Hamlet, like most stories in life, there are numerous versions that can be told. Each story represents a moment, or group of moments converging together. Stories don't step outside of the rules of infinity. From any given point, all is infinite in all directions. Yes, there are facts in stories, but for each fact, there are tons of perceptions about the fact, the meaning, the reason, the why, the....

More later...

Comet in the Horizon

2009 February 26th

I was looking for Comet Lulin last night. I couldn't see it because it was hiding in the misty horizon. It was not the right time for me to be capable of seeing the comet.

Many of us look into our horizons, straining to see what is there. But does it not seem that it is difficult to purposely see anything there? Yet, as we are awakening in the morning, mind suspended between there and here, in that mental horizon, little miracles kiss our neurons as we are not looking, waking us.

And then, "Here is your coffee, honey."

"Oh, thanks, I was just thinking something really good, but I can't remember what it was."

It's okay. You could focus on what just slipped through your fingers, or you can be grateful for the miraculous little kiss which greeted you unasked for.

Matter and Energy

2009 February 24th

Any gardener or spiritual master will tell you to frequently weed your garden. I'm talking about your physical garden and the garden of your life. Weeding the garden of your life includes cleaning the closet, throwing away the crap in your files, donating those clothes (you know which ones). It also includes discarding poor routines, habits of thought, spending habits, etc.. Throw it all out. Cry if you need to, celebrate the divorce with wine or tears (or both). Processing the transformation is helpful in reformatting your hard drive.

What you may not realize, is that all of that stuff goes into the universal compost pile: the physical stuff, the energy expenditure, the routines. In that pile, the matter and energy reorganizes and becomes rich in opportunity and potential, for you. You can call it the earth in which you create from. Once you've done some weeding, you now have room in your "garden" to make use of some of that potential and opportunity.

In The Beginning

2009 February 23rd

Silence. An idea. An explosion of energy and matter. Infinite permutations. All is alive, for at the subatomic level there is no difference between rock and sky and bird. Infinite expressions of an idea. Alive, energetically vibrating in silence.

What Dreams May Come

2009 February 21st

I try to always remain peripherally aware of the story of the wife in 'What Dreams May Come' starring Robin Williams. It portrays an important concept that can be applied to life quite often. The wife in the story arrives to the afterlife sometime after she has lost both her children and her husband to accidental death. She believes she is in hell. Robin Williams goes to her to accomplish the (almost) impossible task of getting her out of there. It almost goes wrong; he almost becomes trapped by his own belief that he is in hell as well.

We all live our belief. Even if we know that, consciously, it is extremely difficult to awaken ourselves from our dreams. We often continue to play the same role and play by the same rules and repeat the same life, day after day. Of course there is dissatisfaction with that. And we look up to the sky, and we look to our lovers, our worlds, and we ask for change to come to us.

Gandhi said that what we would change in the world, we must first change within ourselves. He understood that the world I see and live in, mirrors me. What I love is there, what I am dissatisfied with is there. A quote from me is, "You can see who you are in what you love. You can see who you are also in what you are most bothered by." The mirrors can be powerful tools. They are windows into ourselves.

In the movie, as Robin Williams comes to believe he is in hell as well, the empathy and love within his wife glows brighter, casting off the darkness she'd accepted for herself. He had become a mirror to her darkness. Her love for him wished wonderful for him when she could not bring herself to wish wonderful for herself.

Ah, the old mirror trick.

Beauty

2009 February 18th

There is no possible way to experience beauty without openness to it. Because that is true, the more openness, the more beauty. As you can imagine, beauty beams from Everything, always. So beauty is in the eye of the beholder (in a way). What a shame we differentiate, when All is beautiful, always.

Dark Matter Giving Way to Energy

2009 February 17th

I recognize that my blog currently appears to be dark matter. Until recently, much has been presumed to be dark matter. I will be attempting to reveal the (apparently dark) energy within here. Well, how can energy be dark? How about not yet seen?

This Big Bang

2009 February 16th

Time is not linear, so this moment fits snuggly into a holographic puzzle. Expect not that evolution flow from this point forward, but that everything can be reached from this point because it lies always within this same point. Such is infinity.

Everything I am about to say here will come from this same point, though it appears to be labeled with different points of time, as if all is not here always. Don't get me started on the Universe's point of origin because I've just mentioned enough to tell all.