Pain Like Flower Petals

2009 September 17th

Pain filled the body and mind like a beverage gushing and washing over the rim of the glass of me last Friday as I knelt before Bootstrap who'd run into the street and been hit. There were several people involved in this event, all with different roles, different minds and histories, stories and perceptions. And though we can hold hands in the fact that we were present for the same event, each person has his own complete tapestry which this event wove into.

No event involves punishment or a "hard lesson" from God. It feels that way sometimes as we feel we deserve punishment. God is gracious and giving. The voice and opportunity are there like air, always, and are always loving.

A missed opportunity exists every time we don't seize growth and understanding in situations like this, and I mean this in a positive way... not in a "hard lesson" way. God's grace will present itself again if we miss this opportunity. It is grace, though it may hurt.

I predicted last weekend that in retrospect the event would become clear and that certainly this was God's chess game, and that as many people were involved, it was certainly a powerful move. Today, I see clearly my part; I see clearly my responsibility. It was a spiritual awareness disregarded due to atrophy. I was presented with choices I could not recognize until it was too late.

Choices made in innocence, blindness, and deafness are okay. Where the shame lies is if we become aware yet do not awaken but go back to sleep. And still, it falls into the area of "too bad", not some sentence to hell. How can we truly accept God's grace and love if we paint it black?

I am sorry. It is unfortunate that it took a significant emotional event involving others to awaken me from slumber. Will I return to sleep? I don't know. It's the same question as asking one who has quit smoking if they will smoke again.

I am grateful. I am grateful for the ability to see miraculous events even in seemingly dark places. I am grateful for this gift of this event.